“Do you know where you’re going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you?
Where are you going to? Do you know?
Do you get what you’re hoping for,
When you look behind you there’s no open door?
What are you hoping for? Do you know?”
Will I EVER be one?
Am I good enough? Am I tall enough?
Am I pretty enough? Am I confident enough?
Am I articulate enough? Am I bubbly enough?
I keep thinking about it.Graduation is around the corner and people have been asking me about my plans.You know what,I lied.I do not want to go to school anymore.Cos you know why? Cos Im not interested.
If you catch me in school next year,please bear in mind that Im doing it only for my parents.The only thing I want to do is unreachable.Oh come on,better people applied but got rejected,why am I still deluded?
Maybe I’ll never be one.And THAT will be the saddest thing cos it’s something I really really really want.
Everytime I think of it,I’ll cry.Cry,cry,cry.That’s all I do.I think of ways on how to improve my resume but Im stuck,helpless and confused.It’s like Im suddenly thrown into a pit and I have to climb out myself and I see myself slipping away quickly.
Maybe Im not good enough.Maybe Im fated to hold a 9-5 job.Okay ape,leh decorate table with pictures and knick knacks.But I dont want a 9-5 job.I want to do something with passion and I dont want to drag myself to work every morning.
Eh stress sial.
I wanna be 6 forever.
Yesterday’s outburst was probably caused by PMS(yes,women’s usual excuse!) but sometimes I can’t help feeling vulnerable,helpless and useless.
Im not like that at all.
People told me that Im confident,smart and I can carry myself well but I think Im too much of a perfectionist.Is this how other people feel? Is this how a graduating student should feel? Isn’t she suppose to feel happy that she’s finally gonna start a new life wheather in the workforce or school?
The truth is I have everything I want.I have a nice family (though they pressure me a lot and I feel oblige to fulfill them) , a nice boyfriend,great friends…but I still feel unsatisfied.
That’s human isn’t it? Feeling vulnerable and never satisfied with what they have.
It’s easy to dream about your ambition but when it comes to the real crunch,you’ll ask youself,”What if they reject me? What if Im not good enough?” A lof of “What if’s?”.That fear in me,that fear in humans.
You’ll never know if you don’t try,thats what he said.
And this is my beautiful life
The only thing certain is everything changes
Lows and the highs
And all those goodbyes
As hard as it gets I know it’s still amazing
To be alive
It’s a beautiful life-Lindsay Lohan’s Beautiful Life (La Bella Vita)
Life’s a bitch…but somedays it has puppies.So chin up,little girl.You’ll make it,you’ll just have to work harder. 
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