Ten Reasons Why You Never Go On Dates

Have you wondered why you never go out on dates like other people do? Would you like to meet someone and fall in love?

“There aren’t any relationships out there that really work. I have never seen any I would want,” my client said. Have you ever heard yourself say anything like that?

Unfortunately, what we see is what we are programmed to see; we re-create over and over, what we believe; and more importantly, we ATTRACT what we are thinking. If you think most guys are jerks, you will definitely attract jerks.

I told my client to look for signs of love between a man and a woman for one week. She began to look—and notice.

She reported that she saw a middle-aged man embrace his wife, when he thought no one was looking, and say, “No one’s ever seen anyone like you kid.” And he gave her a quick kiss.

She saw an elderly man open the car door for his wife. She saw another gentleman kiss his wife’s hand. The signs were all around her. She just hadn’t noticed them. Finally, she became aware that her reality was determined by her own perceptions.

Attitudes are influenced by our personality and experiences, and can be positive and productive, or negative and unproductive.

Most people have self-limiting thoughts, but they are often unaware of them. Recently, I asked a group of singles to list their most prevalent beliefs about dating and finding a life partner.

TOP TEN LIMITING BELIEFS:

1. There aren’t any good men (or women) out there—all the good ones are taken.

2. I can’t be too choosy. I have to take what I can get or I’ll be alone.

3. There is no such thing as an “ideal partner” or “true love.”

4. I’ll never find the one I want. I’m too ____(old, fat, unsuccessful, set in my ways, unattractive, busy, burdened with responsibilities, full of problems, etc.)

5. No one stays in love. It wears off.

6. Men can’t be trusted. (Women can’t be trusted.)

7. No one wants someone over the age of ____ (30, 40, 50, 60, etc.)

8. Loving someone just leads to pain.

9. When they really know me, they’ll leave me.

10. I always hurt the one I love.

I think I have heard every self-limiting belief there is. Someone told me recently that there were “no good men in San Jose—they’re all in Santa Barbara.” If I went to Santa Barbara, I’d probably hear from someone that there weren’t any good men there—they’re all in San Jose. I have a young client who insists there are not any men worth dating in the East—they’re all out West. Naturally, my client lives in the East.

Then there are the people who don’t let any obstacle stand in their way for happiness. If they have a problem, they don’t sit around and complain. They work on it until they’ve handled it. They build their confidence from the inside out until they believe they can accomplish or have what they want.

The way we see things and our internal state of being are largely self-fulfilling. But it is possible to CHOOSE the attitudes that serve us and let go of the ones that sabotage us.

Looking for love? Pay attention to your hidden beliefs. Love could be waiting for you—just around the corner from a thought.

Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single’s coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)